Dating outside my culture… On my own turf

It’s no secret that I don’t tend to date Kiwi guys. It’s not that I’ve written them all off, it’s just that I’m not really attracted to them… usually because they haven’t travelled much and keep their thoughts and dreams within a small box. I can see how they’d be super attractive to others, but not really my cup of tea.

Anyhow, recently I met a guy of tinder who has made NZ his home and is a mix of Italian and German blood… who was born and raised in Argentina. We hit it off and shared stories and memories of solo travel adventures and marvelled at the similarity in our chosen career paths. We had a fair amount in common and it was lovely to meet him.

2 dates within 2 days was all kinds of wonderful… But with all that intensity came a whole lot of confusion when it comes to dating norms on both sides. Sadly this spark of lust fizzled just as quickly it had ignited, however its interesting to understand what different things mean to different cultures. We got chatting about some of the differences.

For example…

For me: sleeping together, but not staying the night suggests that you got what you came for and left. It’s a subtle way of treating someone like a wh0re without leaving a tip. It’s okay if you’re in a booty call situation, but not appropriate for someone you care about.

For him: spending the night with the person you’re sleeping with is saved for someone that you’re in a long term serious relationship with. The kind where you’re introducing them to your family and planning a future with. Doing this is like the prelude to moving in.

For me: sending a giant teddy bear to my work in order to capture my attention is really over the top and embarrassing. If someone did this early on in the game, I would think they’re a bit weird.

For him: you need to show a woman that you’re interested and you need to have good game. Doing something like this is expected if you want to capture a woman’s attention.

For me: I wouldn’t introduce someone to my family unless I was really serious about them and potentially living with them. This is not something I’d do early on in a relationship.

For him: by about date 3 seems about right to introduce someone of interest to your family. Your family know you best and will be able to tell you if they’re suitable for you.

For me: if I think of you, I will text you. I won’t send more than 1 text in a row but there’s no rules in terms of how long you should wait between seeing someone and sending a follow up text.

For him: it’s normal to wait 3-5 days after a date to text someone, because you need to allow time for them to miss you and build feelings.

For me: you cooked me dinner, so I should to do the dishes. I can’t sit down and do nothing if there is work to be done, especially if you’re doing something else and I’m sitting alone in the living area.

For him: doing an ordinary chore in someone else’s home is like saying that this is your home and you’ve moved in. 

Despite the quick dissipation of something sweet, it’s nice to be back in the dating game and meeting new people. I’m settling back into normal Kiwi life after my last adventure, and I’m still following through on the promises I made to myself in Qatar. I’ve started booking my next trip but it’s still some time away… 

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